On Noticing A Social Cliché, Not Wanting To Be Part Of It, But Definitely Being Part Of It11/27/2017 I've spent a lot of hours over the past 8 years encouraging, challenging, and chatting with my girlfriends about boys. I've read a lot of blog posts, I've taken countless buzzfeed quizzes, and most recently I started looking introspectively at my own romantic life to come to a conclusion.
Be prepared, it's going to shock you. Girls, in theory, want the boy who will drop anything to show up at their door with takeout and chocolate. They want the boy who will leave them little notes in unexpected places, who will Instagram photos of them with comments like, "I am so incredibly in love with her." BUT. When it comes right down to reality, and who girls actually find attractive, its always always the bad boys. They're hot, and maybe they can be changed. They're turned on by thrill of a boy who might not actually text them back. He's cool and he's unpredictable. But then they turn out to be an asshole and the girls are back to wanting a nice guy. This cycle repeats itself. I know that wasn't shocking, we all know it. I always wondered why. Logically it makes sense to date a nice guy, so date the nice guy. The catch for me is this: I literally just now realized I am even more part of this horrible dating cliché than I ever could have thought. I thought back on my relationships, all the guys I've dated and had things with and just texting flirtations and I am part of this pattern. When a nice boy is interested in me I feel like I wouldn't be attracted to him as more than a friend. But I know he's the type of guy who will leave the little notes in unexpected places, drop anything to come see me, and go out of his way to treat me like a princess. How does that become unattractive to me? How does that make me think I wouldn't want to plant one on him? In the same regard, I actively chase doucebags. I slide into their DMs, I anxiously wait to see if I'll get a text back. I bend over backwards to make sure I'm available to hangout, go on a date, or head over to their place if they so ask because somehow I will do anything they ask. But then they stop texting back and I have a broken heart and I sit there and think, "a nice guy wouldn't have done that." WHY? I don't have the answers. I literally am wondering why. Because it's a pattern in my life and I'd like to break it, or heaven knows I'm going to end up a bitter single old lady who hates boys, even though I'm just as much the problem.
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If you would have asked me five years ago as I entered college what my life would look like when I graduated, I never would have described the life I currently live.
I thought I was going to be one of the blonde, Dutch girls that met a boy at school, went on late night coffee dates at Johnny's, had library study dates, and was wearing the shiny diamond ring by spring. I think I really wanted to be part of the (West Michigan) cliché. I thought I was going to be part of a "we." I thought we would get a cute little apartment in Grand Rapids and we would have couple-friends, and I would work at the Christian non-profit I had interned for, and I would spend my free time at the lake with my family. It sounded really good and really comfortable. But today… I live in Chicago. I'm single. I work for a magazine in the hair industry. I am part of the most alive and Jesus-filled church I've ever been to. I freaking love this city and the neighborhoods I've discovered, the people who have become important parts of my life, the keep-yourself-busy-every-night-of-the-week mentality, and the abundance of brunch spots. I've gone on handfuls of dates since moving to Chicago. Some weird, some okay, and some actually good but none of them giving me those butterflies I know I deserve. So I guess we'll keep looking. My job in the hair industry is a far cry from the Christian non-profit I used to work for, but I absolutely love it. I travel all the time, my coworkers are some of the best people I know here, and I cannot imagine having more fun in a place of work. Plus, I get to wear ripped jeans or shorts or sweatpants, or whatever I want, any day of the week. I thought I would work a mediocre job because first jobs are supposed to be mediocre. But I'm organizing awards shows and implementing new social media software and life. Is. So. Cool. I don't think I ever would have included church in a descriptor about me before this point in my life. I showed up to church on Sunday and I did my devotions. But now I find myself at worship nights, and teaching nights, and talking to God throughout the day everyday and wanting to become a leader. I find myself asking God what His calling is on my life and how I go about doing His work on earth. I constantly ask God how I can do what he needs me to do, and am asking to let go of the comfort I so enjoy for it. I think this is the first time in my life I've ever done this with Jesus. The first time I've grasped that life moves at the speed of relationships, and its important to be invested in the good ones. The first time I've thought I'm comfortable somewhere and that might be a good thing but it might also mean that I'm coming up on a time where Jesus is going to ask me to do some pretty scary (but right) things, and I'm actually going to lean into it rather than run from it. |