On Noticing A Social Cliché, Not Wanting To Be Part Of It, But Definitely Being Part Of It11/27/2017 I've spent a lot of hours over the past 8 years encouraging, challenging, and chatting with my girlfriends about boys. I've read a lot of blog posts, I've taken countless buzzfeed quizzes, and most recently I started looking introspectively at my own romantic life to come to a conclusion.
Be prepared, it's going to shock you. Girls, in theory, want the boy who will drop anything to show up at their door with takeout and chocolate. They want the boy who will leave them little notes in unexpected places, who will Instagram photos of them with comments like, "I am so incredibly in love with her." BUT. When it comes right down to reality, and who girls actually find attractive, its always always the bad boys. They're hot, and maybe they can be changed. They're turned on by thrill of a boy who might not actually text them back. He's cool and he's unpredictable. But then they turn out to be an asshole and the girls are back to wanting a nice guy. This cycle repeats itself. I know that wasn't shocking, we all know it. I always wondered why. Logically it makes sense to date a nice guy, so date the nice guy. The catch for me is this: I literally just now realized I am even more part of this horrible dating cliché than I ever could have thought. I thought back on my relationships, all the guys I've dated and had things with and just texting flirtations and I am part of this pattern. When a nice boy is interested in me I feel like I wouldn't be attracted to him as more than a friend. But I know he's the type of guy who will leave the little notes in unexpected places, drop anything to come see me, and go out of his way to treat me like a princess. How does that become unattractive to me? How does that make me think I wouldn't want to plant one on him? In the same regard, I actively chase doucebags. I slide into their DMs, I anxiously wait to see if I'll get a text back. I bend over backwards to make sure I'm available to hangout, go on a date, or head over to their place if they so ask because somehow I will do anything they ask. But then they stop texting back and I have a broken heart and I sit there and think, "a nice guy wouldn't have done that." WHY? I don't have the answers. I literally am wondering why. Because it's a pattern in my life and I'd like to break it, or heaven knows I'm going to end up a bitter single old lady who hates boys, even though I'm just as much the problem.
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